I couldn’t sleep last night. I found myself lying awake and staring at the ceiling fan at midnight. I felt heavy and burdened with emotions. Earlier that day the fiance and I were out when I recieved a picture message on my phone. The picture was the penis of a former lover a long time ago. I was stunned and quickly put my phone away. The picture went through my mind throughout the day up until midnight. I kept thinking what had I done to make him think that his behavior was warranted? Am I putting out a certain vibe or energy that brings this type of crap into my life? I can’t tell you how many times I have moved on in my life to have ex-boyfriends come back and do things like this. I hate it. It actually hurts my feelings and I can’t quite explain why. Maybe because deep down I feel like they only wanted sex to begin with.
At 12:15am I began to look around my room and felt uneasy and burdened by the things that I saw. I have too much shit though I always feel like I’m getting rid of stuff. I looked in my closet and starred at clothes that I never wear. Honestly, I only wear a select few things. I looked at my shoes that haven’t graced my feet in months/years. I felt a need to rid myself of everything. I felt like my material things were correlated to my emotional baggage. Sweaters that were bought by ex-boyfriends, jeans that I bought because they said they liked how nice my ass looked in them, panties/bras that were bought with them in mind. Years and years of stuff that do not represent the great life I have now. So, I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a garbage bag and went to work. I couldn’t get those material things into the bag fast enough. But, the more I packed the better I began to feel. I started crying tears of joy because I felt like the more shit I got rid of the less bullshit I’d have to deal with from my past relationships. I could cut off all ties with former lovers and somehow getting rid of the evidence of who I used to be while with them would make them go away too…finally.
When I was done I sat in the middle of the floor looking like a crazy woman. I felt such sweet relief. But there was still one thing missing. My phone. I got off the floor, walked over to my nightstand and grabbed it. I went through my address book looking for numbers to delete. People I no longer talk to and people I had no business talking to in the first place. I deleted the first man then another and another till there were no more exes left. I deleted old text messages from years ago. I happily deleted the naked pictures former lovers loved to send me. And then I sat on the bed. Just sat there knowing what I did was the right thing to do for me. Then I tucked myself in, turned off the light and shut my eyes. I had the most peaceful sleep and that’s something I haven’t had in a long time.
When I awoke this morning the first thing I did was take that garbage bag down to the dump. I called the phone company and changed the number I’ve had for the past 10 years. And now I feel new and clean. They can no longer reach me and hurt me anymore. Good riddance to an emotional train wreck of a past. Time to happily start over.
How do you get rid of your emotional baggage?
Till next time…
Filed under: Finances, Health, Love, Relationships, The Ex Files, fashion, frugal, money
WOW! You might be on to something here. IMO, you took a very big step to gain peace of mind. Kudos to you!
Awesome job! That’s really great and I’m glad you feel better. You are free from your past! When the ex and I split I first packed up all the crap from him in a box and stuffed it away until I was ready to purge myself. Then I happily tossed it all! A few items survived and I’m turning them into a piece of art!
wow! thats awesome….sometimes you need to. I do that often enough.
I remember my first emotional purge of my past; I felt such a sense of completeness & peace after everything was either thrown away, ripped up, or given away to someone who could cherish it more. A few things actually hurt to give away; but I knew it was for the best.
To be honest, I am very proud of you! It’s such a brave thing to do, to take control of your life & decide to get rid of things & not let certain people in your life. Kudos! :]
How long have you been keeping the naked pics? Those should have been deleted right away. Good job on getting rid of all the baggage that’s been holding you back.
Bravo.
I had to do this with a toxic ex’s things before…It was one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done. All the leftover baggage I had for him lifted with the rip and shred of every card, letter, and picture. It made room for the new love and new cards, letters, and pictures. And I don’t have to worry about someone opening a certain box or drawer and finding old business!
I do have an EX who I swear there are times I think we were soul mates in another life and time. He contacts me EVERYTIME that I think about him which is weird. We’ve just had weird synchronicity happening over the last 2 months which is just…well weird.
Ive told my GFs that I think we all have soul ties that remain depending on how intense the relationship was. I’ve had a couple intense ones and so I think I have some to do myself. I dont quite understand it but you made me think about everything in the context of not just that I am married but that perhaps I need to start thinking about the place they have in my life now if at all.