Work…It Just Keeps Getting Worse.

I’m tired.  I feel defeated.  Today had to be one of the worst days at work.  Every day I walk in I feel like a failure.  Granted what I do now is a very small part of what I have done in my field for almost 10 years.  But somehow things at work are just not clicking.  I’ve always excelled and been promoted quickly at previous jobs.  Even when I had my own business I was successful doing it on my own.  

But at this company:

I make little mistakes.

I feel clusmy & am constantly second guessing myself.

I hate it.  Simply hate it.

From day one it was instilled in me from my supervisor to fear the “higher ups”.  When they bark you come running.  No seriously you better run! Never have them explain anything just try to figure it out.  My supervisor lives in this constant state of flighty fear and it makes the office so uneasy.  Making fear based decisions is something that I am working on overcoming and this job damn sure isn’t helping that.  I feel like I’m living inthe movie  ”The Devil Wears Prada” EVERYDAY.

It sucks because everyday I go in with my game face on, a good attitude and positive thoughts that I will not fuck up today.  But somehow I fuck up.  I’m balancing over $150k and I’ll be off by 20 cents!  It can take hours to find that damn 20 cents.  Or I’ll refer something to my supervisor and it mysteriously goes missing.  This job  has me so depressed and beat by 5pm.  So by the encouragement of my family, friends, head & heart I will be sending out my resume again. 

Until something better comes along I’ll continue giving it my best.  As long as the checks clear.