Ever had an ex-lover try to come back? Sometimes the break up was mutual because you both needed time & space to figure things out. Or you gave that person an ultimatum and they finally realized how awesome you are and came running back. But those examples are not my situation. Oh no! My ex is the verbally abusive, put people down, I’ve paid my dues so I’ll say and do what I want wack job that is trying so desperately to lure me back into his dungeon.
This month makes a year since I left him (Check out my earlier posts to get the scoop for all you new lovely readers). It’s been a year of family, friends, work & peace. I haven’t been dating nor did I feel like it while allowing my heart to mend. Then three weeks ago my phone rings. I’m sitting in my room putting clothes away. As I grab my cell phone I cringe as the ex-fiance’s name & number pop up on the screen. I press ignore and send him to voice mail. He calls back. This happens about four times but I know him. He’s a relentless little fucker and will not leave word. No, he want something. I let out a long breathy sigh, roll my eyes to the ceiling and answer:
Me: Hello
Ex: Hey, wow didn’t think you were gonna pick up
Dead silence as I grow more & more irritated by the sound of his voice.
Ex: Anywho I was just wondering if you were as miserable without me as I am without you?
Cue screeching halt sound
Me: The fuck? No. Actually I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. My life fucking rocks! So no I’m not miserable. Please don’t call me anymore.
Ex: Hey so I finally bought that new house we always talk about. I just sent you an email with about 20 pictures. Wish you were here babe. I really miss you. I even have your wedding dress hanging in the closet.
Me: Why would you do that? Listen, congrats on the new house. Lovely I’m sure. But why are you calling me? I’ve had nothing but peace of mind since leaving you and I intend on keeping it that way.
Ex: I want you back. I think we could really make this work. We just need to fine tune some things and we could really have the great life we both wanted.
Me: Does this great life include you cheating when you can’t get your way again?
Silence…
Ex: I’ve dated a few women since you left(totally not answering my cheating question) and none of them gave a shit about me. They just wanted my money. But you really loved me. Did I ever tell you thank you for my first birthday we had together? You went all out babe.
Me: Yeah it set me back $2000.00 but I thought you were worth it at the time.
Ex: Well, thank you for that. It was my best birthday ever. Listen…
Me: No you listen…I gotta go. I feel nothing for you anymore and I’ve happily moved on. So please just leave me alone.
Silence….I hang up.
But he hasn’t left me alone. He calls at least 3 times a week! Each time leaving messages on how much he wants me back. Or he’ll call from a unknown number and I’ll pick up not knowing it’s him. Sometimes I’ll talk to him briefly just to rub it in his face how great I’m doing without him. But he won’t give up! I’m applying to schools for my medical program. He’ll pay for it if I move back to California and try to make things work. He’s coming to New York in 2 weeks for business and is begging to see me.
Now him paying $40,000 for my schooling is very tempting lol, but a bank loan will cost me less in the end if you know what I mean. Him coming to NY is a little strange because he’s never had business on the east coast before. I’m afraid that if I agree to do lunch or whatever he’d hurt me. He’s never physically hurt me but I know how vengeful he can be and it wouldn’t surprise me. I keep thinking he’ll hire a hit man to take me out right before my first sip of wine at lunch. I dunno maybe I’m over thinking this. He just….still scares me.
Don’t really know how to handle this situation anymore.
Ever went back to an ex and wish you hadn’t? Does your ex still call you asking you to take him/her back?
Till next time…
Filed under: Health, Love, Relationships, School, Sex, The Ex Files, Writing, money
Ex or not, but if someone is that keen, I’d totally freak out. My suggestion is to keep a cold distance from him. But you know him better…
Sometimes indeed, exes resurface, and even though it is very tempting, I think in the end you’ll realise all over again why you broke up in the first place. But that does not mean you shouldn’t have the fun until then.
I’ve allowed an ex (or 2) back into my life because I’m hard-headed and obviously don’t learn when to let toxic people go the first time around. However, none of them have ever made me feel the fear I see coming from you in this post. Please be careful.
Rarely have I let an ex back into my life. The first time it was after 5 years and he did everything to prove that he changed (cheating), we married had 3 children, and after 10 years, he left. 13 years later, we are both married to other people and he calls and wants to hook up while he’s in town. NO ! Obviously he still hasn’t changed. It took me 11 years to marry again; thinking a guy in his 40’s would be more settled…WRONG ! He cheated we got back together after a year and just 2 weeks before the divorce was to be finalized and he ended up cheating again. Guys can be so sweet and charming when they are trying to get “their” way. However, once they get what they want they just go back to being the way they were. Save yourself the heartache. Not only that, but if he doesn’t respect your not wanting to be with him, then what on earth would make you think he would respect anything about you ? Stay away, he’s a carrier of the terminally diseased abusive male.
Me and my ex broke up most of last year and are now trying to get back together. It was really nothing bad that either one of us did just needed time.
As for your ex. If you feel threatened by him. I vote against meeting up with him. You’ve moved on. Let the past be the past!
I think you need to not talk to him ever. If it is a number you do not know, don’t answer. If it is a voicemail talking about how he has changed or wants you back, press delete. That is the only way. Don’t see him when he comes to town, and I hope you have not let him know where you live or moved…
But – also, remember your part in this, by answering the phone and talking to him, rubbing in that you are doing so well without him, makes him think he is getting to you. Ignore him entirely, without reservation. Forget the sorry old man who isn’t used to not getting what he wants. He doesn’t want you, he wants to feel in control.
I let an ex back in my life, he cheated again, and then stalked me when I finally left for good. Please do not give him any additional encouragement. Also, recommend you read the book “The Gift of Fear” — it talks about how to deal with someone harassing or stalking you (which your ex is doing). Basically, every time you relent and talk to him, you teach him he can harass you into talking with him. The book says to never respond and not engage. I fear for your safety reading this post. Please be safe.